So now my Mom knows everything.
Everything.
And she wont stop asking questions.
I think she's freaking out worse than I am.
And here's the really sick part; now that she hates him, I'm defending him like it's nobody's business. Wtf?
Here's how it happened: I don't really remember how the conversation started but my Mom asks me:
"Why do you suck? Do you need to go into your bishop again?"
"Yes"
"I don't think you need to, you just need to repent and stop."
"... No I think I need to go in."
"Why?"
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"Okay. Well I don't think you need to. Unless you're having sex; are you having sex?"
"Yes. Well I was raped first, but I did have sex after."
It just came out. And then she made me spill. And I told her everything except who it was. But she kept asking so many questions and not understanding the situation. Saying that now I just need to never see him again and I'll be fine. She just didn't get it. So I told her who.
And exactly what I was avoiding happened; she feels totally responsible because she introduced us. And she keeps talking about how evil he is; why don't I agree? I mean, he raped me. And now that my Mom made me talk I'm feeling all of these ridiculous feelings I've been repressing up until now. Yesterday was absolutely ridiculous. I cried, screamed, sketched, danced, cried, yelled, drove furiously.... I don't even know. Her asking me questions keeps making me relive it. And in a way that victimizes me to a point where I've never admitted that I was a victim. And as much as I hurt and hate him for making me feel this way, I wont let her talk about him like that. I love him. And yeah, he's completely screwed up.
But he's my screwed up.
And I empathize with him. He was victimized, too. And I know how hard that is, especially when you're so young. So part of me doesn't even blame him...
Retarded, I know. He's a grown man and shouldn't be such an ass.
But he's so... I dunno weird in a beautiful way?
It's difficult because I know every wonderful thing about him... I also know the most horrible parts of him.
What it comes down to is this: I am going to be temple worthy. If he's not, he can get the hell out of my life.
But how do I tell him that?
"Gee, sweety I love you. But uh, if you don't go into your bishop and clean your shit up we're not happening. Kisses!"
Actually that's not a bad idea. Is it inappropriate to text that? ;)
Best Friends
Monday, September 12, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Dear Broadway Barbie, you're not horrible. Perhaps insane?
Oh my best friend, I think it's adorable that you like Eli this much. I'm glad he makes you feel good and happy when he's around. However, hating the poor girl is probably not warranted ;] She just has good taste like you do! & I can assure you she's not as pretty, awesome, or talented as you which means she needs all of your friendship. I think you're groovy; Eli just seems a little young and flakey.
My personal evaluation of his actions:
Duuuude! We have got to learn how to do back flips and then we need to go to airborne trampolines. It is such a cool place!
I said I'd post experimental fashion pictures and these are the ones for this week: I give you nautica in Autumn
Obviously the target colors were navy blue, white and red. The red came in three places: head band, boots, and belt made from a $0.99 thrift store tie.
This was an attempt to show the boots.
Another attempt to show the boots; eight dollars from Saver's on Washington.
This tie worked perfectly because it has gold sailor's knots all over it. The white pants are acceptable after Labor day because they're paired with boots. This turns them from a Summer staple to a white Winter look. The historical basis for no white after Labor day: white was the color the high classes wore over the Summer at their Summer homes because it reflects light and is therefore cooler. Over the Summer there were few guests to be entertained, so as Fall and Labor came about the rich returned to their much dirtier city lives which required darker and heavier fabrics to withstand the conditions.
I'd like to hear your thoughts on this experiment; overall I got very positive feedback. Other than the fact that I'm fat as a cow these days. Ugh can I have lipo for Christmas?
I'll posting pics from my experiments as they happen. You need to see my killer Buffy the Vampire Slayer 90's style satin dress. Suuuper fun.
Jake called me and told me how much he missed me and how he hopes I can come visit soon and he loves me and yada yada yada. It's all crap. I called him tonight to ask when the howl is and his cousin with him. Again. Wonder what they were up to... Yuck I shudder to think. In fact I'm going to avoid that subject entirely. Have we decided what costume to make you for Halloween?
This is the one I'm making for Melissa. Simple, but will turn out well I believe. I found an indian thing at a yard sale today which I'm going to incorporate into it. This should be fun :] and Jake said he only gets two discounted tickets. I told him to look for people who'd be willing to give you and Melissa their second tickets. I told them you both were sexy. It's supposedly like the weekend before Halloween, just fyi.
My personal evaluation of his actions:
- He made it clear he liked you by talking around the liking you subject.
- He doesn't really want to admit he likes you because that means responsibility on his part
- He brought up how he 'can't' like you because he's going on a mission. Sounds like he likes you enough that it scares him; you're percieved as a distraction. [He's worried he'll want to stay for you if he gets into anything]
Duuuude! We have got to learn how to do back flips and then we need to go to airborne trampolines. It is such a cool place!
I said I'd post experimental fashion pictures and these are the ones for this week: I give you nautica in Autumn
This was an attempt to show the boots.
I'd like to hear your thoughts on this experiment; overall I got very positive feedback. Other than the fact that I'm fat as a cow these days. Ugh can I have lipo for Christmas?
I'll posting pics from my experiments as they happen. You need to see my killer Buffy the Vampire Slayer 90's style satin dress. Suuuper fun.
Jake called me and told me how much he missed me and how he hopes I can come visit soon and he loves me and yada yada yada. It's all crap. I called him tonight to ask when the howl is and his cousin with him. Again. Wonder what they were up to... Yuck I shudder to think. In fact I'm going to avoid that subject entirely. Have we decided what costume to make you for Halloween?
This is the one I'm making for Melissa. Simple, but will turn out well I believe. I found an indian thing at a yard sale today which I'm going to incorporate into it. This should be fun :] and Jake said he only gets two discounted tickets. I told him to look for people who'd be willing to give you and Melissa their second tickets. I told them you both were sexy. It's supposedly like the weekend before Halloween, just fyi.
I think I might go to sleep now. Or I might watch a movie. I miss feeling loved: so promise me you'll cuddle with me when you come home. Love you xoxox
Friday, September 9, 2011
Dear Geek Girl: Rehearsals.........still
Dear Geek Girl,
I have no life. Seriously. let's take today for example. Today I hit the snooze button until 9:00 am missing my first shift of work. then i went in to apologize and ended up missing my computers class. smooth i know. I'm kinda a mess.but then i worked from 12:05 until 2:49 pulling almost all of the costumes for drowsy. and now i'm in rehearsal.
I miss you. when i get home lets spend the day at the lake with our grilled cheese sandwiches.
I have no life. Seriously. let's take today for example. Today I hit the snooze button until 9:00 am missing my first shift of work. then i went in to apologize and ended up missing my computers class. smooth i know. I'm kinda a mess.but then i worked from 12:05 until 2:49 pulling almost all of the costumes for drowsy. and now i'm in rehearsal.
I miss you. when i get home lets spend the day at the lake with our grilled cheese sandwiches.
Dear Geek Girl: I HATE ME
Okay so here's the thing.
Am I a horrible person to hate a girl just for flirting with Eli?
I feel bad. But at the same time......not. You know? UGH!!!!!! I really hate this. I mean I made out with dusty yesterday but get so offended at something like this. :(
help?
Am I a horrible person to hate a girl just for flirting with Eli?
I feel bad. But at the same time......not. You know? UGH!!!!!! I really hate this. I mean I made out with dusty yesterday but get so offended at something like this. :(
help?
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Girl Code and Our take on it.
Dear Geek Girl,
I thought this would be fun so here it goes
43# If your skirt is short enough for the pockets to come out of the bottom, fellow females have the god given right to brand you a slut. However if you're ok with this feel free to wear the skirt, we need someone to bitch about
44# If you are experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, you are permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors you wish without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior. However this rule does not make you exepmt from any of the other girl rules
45# As women we are allowed to be completely self-absorbed and self obsessed when it comes to A) Our wedding days, B) Our birthdays, C) childbirth, D) Breakups
46# "I have a boyfriend" is a completely acceptable way of turning a guy down, especially if you have to lie about it. Friends when questioned must always back you up on this and ’play along’
47# You're under no obligation to tell the truth when asked the number of your sexual partners
48# It is perfectly acceptable to sing into your hairbrush, as long as in the privacy of your room/ drunk with your close friends
49# No woman shall wear colored undergarments under any white article of clothing
50# You are perfectly within reason to hate your bf's ex even if she is the nicest girl in the world, feeds the poor, visits old peoples homes and helps out at the local cattery
51# It is perfectly acceptable to use any shiny surface as a mirror to check ones appearance, or merely pose. for example: shop windows, car windscreens, cutlery, one way glass on buildings etc.
52# A girl is allowed to come up with cutesy pet names for her boyfriend and use them around his friends for general punishment if he has angered or displeased her in any way.
53# It is your womanly right to take hoodies, boxers and t-shirts from guys without returning them. Hovever this is overuled if said guy is your friends bf/brother/love interest/dad/uncle.. you get the picture
54# Girls should always explain or apologize for not calling another female friend back. We are courteous to our friends.
55# You will always have your best mates 'back'. This is a sign of a true friend.
56# A girl must under to circumstances slap a guy, its so cliche! Instead nutting him will suffice.
57# NEVER EVER say 'i love you' without meaning it. The male population do it enough for both sexes, we don't need to stoop to their level.
I thought this would be fun so here it goes
The Girl Code
and the parts we choose to follow
1# Rule no 1 and the MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.. No girl may date her friend's; exs, past crushes, guys who have humiliated/used her and guys she currently fancies... Do this at your own risk biatch!! Acceptions to rule: a) Your friend has given you permission/ couldn't care less b) It's been years since they've dated
2# It is perfectly acceptable to take an automatic dislike to a girl/ judge them without ever speaking to them And that’s what WE, women, do all the time.. Not the right clothes, hair, body or attitude (if it ever gets so far)? Oh…Sweety, don’t even look at us! Men has always considered to be competitive, but take a better look at women…They have made Lipstick Jungle out there
3# Chocolate is an accepted food in any occasion
4# A girl has a right to lie in order to keep a secret told to her by her best friend.
5# When complimented by a friend it is your duty to find something to compliment her back on… whether this be straight afterwards or stored for later on in the day
6# It is your womanly right to give dirty looks
7# Being friends with your friends arch enemy/people your friend hates is a shady area… if you are to do this you must keep the said arch enemies/hated people friendship with you on the d- low
8# If your friends new boyfriend is hideous or lacking in the looks department when asked your opinion of him it is accepetable to describe him as 'cute'
9# Women ARE ALWAYS RIGHT until PROVEN wrong!
10# Thongs MUST be worn with any kind of dance pants or tight dresses. not doing so will result in a major fashion faux pas and you will be humiliated.
11# A chick flick wins over an action/lad move every time ( well almost)
12# A guy who claims to love chick flicks must be looked at in suspicion.. either he's after something or theres something he's not telling you (*cough).. make him sit through 'crossroads' and if he survives that then he may be counted as genuine but trust him at your own peril!
13#All girls must have a "Mr.Right Now". This is the guy friend who is always ready and available to hang out with you, and may or may not like you as more than a friend. He is always ready to party till dawn, and do things you wish you didn't remember in the morning. He's not “Mr. Right,” but he may be good enough to be “Mr. Right Now.”
14# If you just met a guy and know absolutely nothing about him, but need to refer to him during 'girl talk' you use one example of who he is, something he has, or what he does, and he becomes... that guy.
(Ex. "The Camaro guy", "The Trainer dude", "The Four a.m. in the Taxi Guy")
15# Sleeping with more than five men in a lifetime does not make you a whore, however sleeping with five men in a week does.
16# All single girls are allowed to hate Valentines Day and bitch about it to their other single girlfriends
17# Females are always obligated to notice and comment on any change of hair cut or color, new clothes, jewlerry etc
18# No girl may have more than one 'Love of her Life' at one time, though having a boyfriend and a 'Love of her Life' is fine.
19# If recently single it is advised that you do not moan about being single to someone who has been single for a longer time than you.. think about it!
20# If you have previously got with or seen someones boyfriend/guy they like/ guy they are 'seeing' UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES may you discuss your time with said boy, it is very much a taboo subject!
This however can be broken once the said friend has broken up with the guy.. in this instance you may bitch about said guy and share your experiences for the greater good!
21# It is perfectly acceptable (and highly encouraged) to let a complete stranger know their necklace is tangled, clothes tag is hanging out
22# You are morally obligated to stop your friend from getting with a guy you KNOW she will greatly regret in the morning if the said friend is under the influence of alcohol, (this requires use of proper judgement, not hers, yours)
2# It is perfectly acceptable to take an automatic dislike to a girl/ judge them without ever speaking to them And that’s what WE, women, do all the time.. Not the right clothes, hair, body or attitude (if it ever gets so far)? Oh…Sweety, don’t even look at us! Men has always considered to be competitive, but take a better look at women…They have made Lipstick Jungle out there
3# Chocolate is an accepted food in any occasion
4# A girl has a right to lie in order to keep a secret told to her by her best friend.
5# When complimented by a friend it is your duty to find something to compliment her back on… whether this be straight afterwards or stored for later on in the day
6# It is your womanly right to give dirty looks
7# Being friends with your friends arch enemy/people your friend hates is a shady area… if you are to do this you must keep the said arch enemies/hated people friendship with you on the d- low
8# If your friends new boyfriend is hideous or lacking in the looks department when asked your opinion of him it is accepetable to describe him as 'cute'
9# Women ARE ALWAYS RIGHT until PROVEN wrong!
10# Thongs MUST be worn with any kind of dance pants or tight dresses. not doing so will result in a major fashion faux pas and you will be humiliated.
11# A chick flick wins over an action/lad move every time ( well almost)
12# A guy who claims to love chick flicks must be looked at in suspicion.. either he's after something or theres something he's not telling you (*cough).. make him sit through 'crossroads' and if he survives that then he may be counted as genuine but trust him at your own peril!
13#All girls must have a "Mr.Right Now". This is the guy friend who is always ready and available to hang out with you, and may or may not like you as more than a friend. He is always ready to party till dawn, and do things you wish you didn't remember in the morning. He's not “Mr. Right,” but he may be good enough to be “Mr. Right Now.”
14# If you just met a guy and know absolutely nothing about him, but need to refer to him during 'girl talk' you use one example of who he is, something he has, or what he does, and he becomes... that guy.
(Ex. "The Camaro guy", "The Trainer dude", "The Four a.m. in the Taxi Guy")
15# Sleeping with more than five men in a lifetime does not make you a whore, however sleeping with five men in a week does.
16# All single girls are allowed to hate Valentines Day and bitch about it to their other single girlfriends
17# Females are always obligated to notice and comment on any change of hair cut or color, new clothes, jewlerry etc
18# No girl may have more than one 'Love of her Life' at one time, though having a boyfriend and a 'Love of her Life' is fine.
19# If recently single it is advised that you do not moan about being single to someone who has been single for a longer time than you.. think about it!
20# If you have previously got with or seen someones boyfriend/guy they like/ guy they are 'seeing' UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES may you discuss your time with said boy, it is very much a taboo subject!
This however can be broken once the said friend has broken up with the guy.. in this instance you may bitch about said guy and share your experiences for the greater good!
21# It is perfectly acceptable (and highly encouraged) to let a complete stranger know their necklace is tangled, clothes tag is hanging out
22# You are morally obligated to stop your friend from getting with a guy you KNOW she will greatly regret in the morning if the said friend is under the influence of alcohol, (this requires use of proper judgement, not hers, yours)
23# After breaking up with a guy it is your right to eat a whole box of chocolates/ tub of ice cream without being judged
24# Always leave a man wanting more but don't leave him guessing too long since guys do not take hints easily.
25# Chicks before Dicks. Simple
26# When said evening is described as a "Girls’ Night Out" that means it is for GIRLS ONLY. Consider it payback for all those tree houses and snow forts we couldn’t enter as children. Do not invite your boyfriend.
27# A grey bra that is supposed to be white is not acceptable
28# Food eaten while preparing other food has no calories.
29#Inside jokes are not to be explained to outsiders.
30# ALWAYS exfoliate before tanning... Also if your friend is turning orange through fake tanning you must make her aware of this
31# No woman at any time shall allow her thong to rise above the waistline of her pants
32# When dating a girl should find equal and/or enough time to still hang out with her girls.
33# It is perfectly acceptable to announce that you are going on a diet and break it the next day
34# If in a changing room and you friend trys on an outfit that someone else in the changing room has tried on you are obligated to tell said friend that she looks better in it..
35# Don’t ever seek true opinion from a guy on your outfit, if unsure ask a female friend.. this rule however does not apply if you know you look hot in the outfit in which case asking a guy will help you receive compliments which all girls are entitled to.. ...god help you if you infact do not look as hot as you thought you did
36# No woman shall ever go to the ladies' room alone if there is another woman available to go with her.
37# Under no circumstances may two girls whisper to one another in the presence of other girls.. it is plain rude.. share the wealth
38# Friends are obligated to protect and defend the reputation of a friend. Again whether this involves lying or not
39# No girl shall pretend to know / like sports just to be "hot" in front of guys. Knowledge of said sport must be proven by at least 5 statistics and / or an obvious familiarity with the rules of the game.
40# If a friend runs off crying (to the toilet for example)you must atleast count to 10 before following her.. we do not want to make the situation a soap opera/ prove the judgement that girls are melodramatic
41# Always leave the party with the girls you came with unless a mutual agreement has been met
42# No girl shall wear the same outfit or perfume as a friend is they will knowingly be in the same place.
24# Always leave a man wanting more but don't leave him guessing too long since guys do not take hints easily.
25# Chicks before Dicks. Simple
26# When said evening is described as a "Girls’ Night Out" that means it is for GIRLS ONLY. Consider it payback for all those tree houses and snow forts we couldn’t enter as children. Do not invite your boyfriend.
27# A grey bra that is supposed to be white is not acceptable
28# Food eaten while preparing other food has no calories.
29#Inside jokes are not to be explained to outsiders.
30# ALWAYS exfoliate before tanning... Also if your friend is turning orange through fake tanning you must make her aware of this
31# No woman at any time shall allow her thong to rise above the waistline of her pants
32# When dating a girl should find equal and/or enough time to still hang out with her girls.
33# It is perfectly acceptable to announce that you are going on a diet and break it the next day
34# If in a changing room and you friend trys on an outfit that someone else in the changing room has tried on you are obligated to tell said friend that she looks better in it..
35# Don’t ever seek true opinion from a guy on your outfit, if unsure ask a female friend.. this rule however does not apply if you know you look hot in the outfit in which case asking a guy will help you receive compliments which all girls are entitled to.. ...god help you if you infact do not look as hot as you thought you did
36# No woman shall ever go to the ladies' room alone if there is another woman available to go with her.
37# Under no circumstances may two girls whisper to one another in the presence of other girls.. it is plain rude.. share the wealth
38# Friends are obligated to protect and defend the reputation of a friend. Again whether this involves lying or not
39# No girl shall pretend to know / like sports just to be "hot" in front of guys. Knowledge of said sport must be proven by at least 5 statistics and / or an obvious familiarity with the rules of the game.
40# If a friend runs off crying (to the toilet for example)you must atleast count to 10 before following her.. we do not want to make the situation a soap opera/ prove the judgement that girls are melodramatic
41# Always leave the party with the girls you came with unless a mutual agreement has been met
42# No girl shall wear the same outfit or perfume as a friend is they will knowingly be in the same place.
43# If your skirt is short enough for the pockets to come out of the bottom, fellow females have the god given right to brand you a slut. However if you're ok with this feel free to wear the skirt, we need someone to bitch about
44# If you are experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, you are permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors you wish without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior. However this rule does not make you exepmt from any of the other girl rules
45# As women we are allowed to be completely self-absorbed and self obsessed when it comes to A) Our wedding days, B) Our birthdays, C) childbirth, D) Breakups
46# "I have a boyfriend" is a completely acceptable way of turning a guy down, especially if you have to lie about it. Friends when questioned must always back you up on this and ’play along’
47# You're under no obligation to tell the truth when asked the number of your sexual partners
48# It is perfectly acceptable to sing into your hairbrush, as long as in the privacy of your room/ drunk with your close friends
49# No woman shall wear colored undergarments under any white article of clothing
50# You are perfectly within reason to hate your bf's ex even if she is the nicest girl in the world, feeds the poor, visits old peoples homes and helps out at the local cattery
51# It is perfectly acceptable to use any shiny surface as a mirror to check ones appearance, or merely pose. for example: shop windows, car windscreens, cutlery, one way glass on buildings etc.
52# A girl is allowed to come up with cutesy pet names for her boyfriend and use them around his friends for general punishment if he has angered or displeased her in any way.
53# It is your womanly right to take hoodies, boxers and t-shirts from guys without returning them. Hovever this is overuled if said guy is your friends bf/brother/love interest/dad/uncle.. you get the picture
54# Girls should always explain or apologize for not calling another female friend back. We are courteous to our friends.
55# You will always have your best mates 'back'. This is a sign of a true friend.
56# A girl must under to circumstances slap a guy, its so cliche! Instead nutting him will suffice.
57# NEVER EVER say 'i love you' without meaning it. The male population do it enough for both sexes, we don't need to stoop to their level.
58# In a fight between a friend and her boyfriend you must always choose your friends side.
59# Never date your ex again. Remember why you broke up in the first place
60# Arms are for hugging. Boys are for kissing. Sluts are for dissing, and best friends are for when your boyfriend disses you for the slut and you really need a hug
WHAT THE F***
Dear Geek Girl,
Count your blessings sweetheart. A man who will sleep with his cousin clearly has WAY more problems than can ever be fixed. He was a bastard. And a Rapist. And yes you didn't report it. but honestly..... I didn't either. Men are pigs. they are frightened little rodents who have been brought up to think women are things, toys to play with. not all men mind you, but most. however i am now working on this program to re-educate them it's called "Make your own damn sammich - a man's guide to learning to do things on his own" Catchy right?
about the equality problem i'm going to quote Marilyn Monroe:
"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."
— Marilyn Monroe
Count your blessings sweetheart. A man who will sleep with his cousin clearly has WAY more problems than can ever be fixed. He was a bastard. And a Rapist. And yes you didn't report it. but honestly..... I didn't either. Men are pigs. they are frightened little rodents who have been brought up to think women are things, toys to play with. not all men mind you, but most. however i am now working on this program to re-educate them it's called "Make your own damn sammich - a man's guide to learning to do things on his own" Catchy right?
about the equality problem i'm going to quote Marilyn Monroe:
"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."
— Marilyn Monroe
see.the only way we would be equal is if we started thinking through our vagina. and even though most men's brains are located in their penis. mine is in fact in my head. (a revolutionary concept, i know)
As for the Bike.... go for it. and look for one for me too.
Rehearsals suck. I made a BTS cake Yesterday and me and Eli got into a whipped cream fight. and ended up cuddling in my bed talking in circles ........again. Grrrrrr. but what can i do!?! maybe it's my fault and i am just expecting too much. and i'm moving too fast. i don't know. sometimes i just feel that if i was given a week away from him i'd be able to convince myself that i don't have feelings for him. but i see him every day almost all day sometimes.I just don't have time to move on. you know? i miss you. and i am done trying to replace you . even in just a different state. Help me figure out my life?
I can't wait to see you!!!!! let me know who's coming up and when so i can make plans.... and so you can meet the notorious Eli West.
I love you so much!!!
Broadway Barbie
An All New Shade of Epic Fail
Dear Broadway Barbie,
I'm incredibly vulnerable today. All of the weakness that I've thus far been able to keep out of mind except when I go to sleep at night is beginning to creep in and affect all of my compartmentalizations. You, and maybe one other person, know what kind plagues my mind. It wont go away.
Does that still happen to you? Or have you been reading your scriptures and have you been able to fix it?
Usually throughout the day I'm busy with other things; I hardly have time to contemplate anything but derivatives and analytical techniques. But not anymore. Suddenly these thoughts are invading the pragmatic person I so enjoy being. I feel exposed and I don't think it's right. The way I'm feeling made me think of a piece of that essay I told you about: Beauty Rediscovers the Male Body by Susan Bordo.
I had to laugh out loud at a 1997 New York Times Magazine "Style" column entitled "Overexposure," which complained of the "contagion" of nudity spreading through celebrity culture. "Stars no longer have private parts," the author observed, and fretted that civilians would soon also be measured by the beauty of their buns. I share the author's concern about our body-obsessed culture. But, pardon me, he's just noticing this now??? Actresses have been baring their breasts, their butts, even their bushes, for some time, and ordinary women have been tromping off to the gym in pursuit of comparably perfect bodies. What's got the author suddenly crying "overkill," it turns out, is Sly Stallone's "surreally fat-free" appearance on the cover of Vanity Fair, and Rupert Everett's "dimpled behind" in a Karl Lagerfeld fashion spread. Now that men are taking off their clothes, the culture is suddenly going too far. Could it be that the author doesn't even "read" all those naked female bodies as "overexposed"?
I feel like this; I'm just an object for the pleasure of everyone else. What I want is irrelevant, because I'm just a stupid girl. And I don't think that's right. I work my ass off because I want to learn and I want to accomplish. It kills me that I'm still not equal.
I should be equal.
I'm really pissed that he didn't consider me equal; it infuriates me when people assume because I'm a girl I don't really know what I want. Taking the responsibility for what I want is nobody's business but my own.
You know what thought crossed my mind? I'm just another statistic now; a girl who was raped and didn't report it. Why the hell didn't I report it? Because delusionally, I thought he was a fantastic person deeeeeeeeep down inside. He raped me damn it! How could I have thought he was good in any way shape or form?!
The inspiration for the title of this blog: he, the creeper in question, is now dating his cousin! HowthehelldidIlethishappentome?! I've been dumped for religion, I've been dumped for looks, I've been dumped for drama, I've been dumped because Troy wasn't mature enough to handle me, and good Lord I've been dumped for the Ukraine before but this? How is this even remotely possible?!
Maybe I should give a little back story: his cousin's not really his cousin because his aunt was adopted. She's still his f***ing cousin! I'm enraged, enthralled, spittingly mad, horrified, disgusted, weepy, caustic, volatile, heart broken, jaded, flabbergasted, and most of all grossed out! The guy who has my virginity would rather screw his cousin than date me. Go figure. I must be some shade of worthless.
On a lighter note, I want to be a little kawasaki chick bullet bike. There's a used 250 on ksl for $800 including the helmet. I figure, I have the money right now. I may as well right? :D What do you think?
I'm still planning that road trip to see your show. I might have Kirk drive. I want the next blog I post to have pictures of some of my new fashion experiments so I can see what you think. I love you very very very much and when I get my Bachelors in Chemistry you and I are gonna take a vacation for celebration.
Muuuuuch love,
Geek Girl
I'm incredibly vulnerable today. All of the weakness that I've thus far been able to keep out of mind except when I go to sleep at night is beginning to creep in and affect all of my compartmentalizations. You, and maybe one other person, know what kind plagues my mind. It wont go away.
Does that still happen to you? Or have you been reading your scriptures and have you been able to fix it?
Usually throughout the day I'm busy with other things; I hardly have time to contemplate anything but derivatives and analytical techniques. But not anymore. Suddenly these thoughts are invading the pragmatic person I so enjoy being. I feel exposed and I don't think it's right. The way I'm feeling made me think of a piece of that essay I told you about: Beauty Rediscovers the Male Body by Susan Bordo.
I had to laugh out loud at a 1997 New York Times Magazine "Style" column entitled "Overexposure," which complained of the "contagion" of nudity spreading through celebrity culture. "Stars no longer have private parts," the author observed, and fretted that civilians would soon also be measured by the beauty of their buns. I share the author's concern about our body-obsessed culture. But, pardon me, he's just noticing this now??? Actresses have been baring their breasts, their butts, even their bushes, for some time, and ordinary women have been tromping off to the gym in pursuit of comparably perfect bodies. What's got the author suddenly crying "overkill," it turns out, is Sly Stallone's "surreally fat-free" appearance on the cover of Vanity Fair, and Rupert Everett's "dimpled behind" in a Karl Lagerfeld fashion spread. Now that men are taking off their clothes, the culture is suddenly going too far. Could it be that the author doesn't even "read" all those naked female bodies as "overexposed"?
I feel like this; I'm just an object for the pleasure of everyone else. What I want is irrelevant, because I'm just a stupid girl. And I don't think that's right. I work my ass off because I want to learn and I want to accomplish. It kills me that I'm still not equal.
I should be equal.
I'm really pissed that he didn't consider me equal; it infuriates me when people assume because I'm a girl I don't really know what I want. Taking the responsibility for what I want is nobody's business but my own.
You know what thought crossed my mind? I'm just another statistic now; a girl who was raped and didn't report it. Why the hell didn't I report it? Because delusionally, I thought he was a fantastic person deeeeeeeeep down inside. He raped me damn it! How could I have thought he was good in any way shape or form?!
The inspiration for the title of this blog: he, the creeper in question, is now dating his cousin! HowthehelldidIlethishappentome?! I've been dumped for religion, I've been dumped for looks, I've been dumped for drama, I've been dumped because Troy wasn't mature enough to handle me, and good Lord I've been dumped for the Ukraine before but this? How is this even remotely possible?!
Maybe I should give a little back story: his cousin's not really his cousin because his aunt was adopted. She's still his f***ing cousin! I'm enraged, enthralled, spittingly mad, horrified, disgusted, weepy, caustic, volatile, heart broken, jaded, flabbergasted, and most of all grossed out! The guy who has my virginity would rather screw his cousin than date me. Go figure. I must be some shade of worthless.
I'm still planning that road trip to see your show. I might have Kirk drive. I want the next blog I post to have pictures of some of my new fashion experiments so I can see what you think. I love you very very very much and when I get my Bachelors in Chemistry you and I are gonna take a vacation for celebration.
Muuuuuch love,
Geek Girl
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